New Experience and Latinidad

My first time traveling abroad, and I’m overwhelmed by so many new experiences.  A year ago, I traveled outside of my home, Austin, TX, for the first time, and I have learned so much from that experience.  Now, I find myself again inexperienced and anxious about traveling outside of the United States. There were so many more barriers to face, and I had so many more fears and worries than I did last year: immigration/customs and its forms, exchanging money, adequately speaking Spanish for my Study Abroad in Antigua, and so on.  Even as I carried these concerns and worries, I had to remind myself time and again that I deserved to go on this trip, and that I had earned my place on this trip and the scholarship that made it so much more accessible to me.

Once I arrived at Guatemala City, I was welcomed by the cool, rainy weather that brought a refreshing change from the brutal Texas heat.  With flannel and beanie to keep me warm, the ride from Guatemala City to Antigua was one full of twists and turns.  My heart raced as we drifted and darted through the streets in such escalating weather, but my driver was confident and calm.  He was so much so, I felt comfortable and drifted to sleep for the rest of the ride there.

Once my cohort and I settled into our respective homestays, I was overwhelmed by the change of flora and fauna, the cobblestone streets, and how timeless the city of Antigua was.  Even in such a different space, there was a familiarity to it that reminded me of the home my parents made in Texas: the maize-centered cuisine, my first language (Spanish) spoken in a public space and at my homestay, the dedication to an altar.

IMG_20190606_092640

Central Park in Antigua Guatemala.

On my first night at Antigua, rather than explore for the first few hours there, I decided to take a nap.  I was exhausted from waking up so early for my flight and exhausted by the new information I needed to process.  Unfortunately, my decision lead to me sleeping through most of the dinner.  Immediately, I felt guilty and rushed to the dining room to find it mostly empty and my plate cold.   Attempting to sound coherent as possible after a nap with so little sleep, I apologized profusely in jumbled Spanish to my homestay.  Fortunately, she told me, no tenga pena (don’t worry about it), and told me I was fine.

After such an impression, I ate my dinner and enjoyed just how welcoming it was.  It reminded me of home, yet it was distinct enough to show me that it was not.

IMG_20190605_184200

View of Antigua from the rooftop of my homestay.

I started a conversation with my homestay mom.  It began with me asking for recommendations for bakeries to visit.  From there, the conversation shifted to that of identity and heritage.  My parents are Mexican, raised in San Luis Potosi, and I was born and raised in Austin.  With that context, my sense of identity is a mixture of Mexican heritage, chicanx experience, and American code-switching; it is one of the many ways to be Latinx in America.

My homestay mom and I shared stories about our families: my sister’s adventures when she was very young, my homestay mom’s grandchildren and their tendency to grow up so quickly, my parents’ marriage and my birth, to my homestay mom’s engagement story to her husband.  It was fun and it was such a necessary conversation for me.  In our story sharing, we discussed about what it meant to be Latinx: its politics, its cultural heritage, its community care.

We spoke about what it meant for someone like me to be on this study abroad trip, and what it meant for me as a first-generation college student.  We shared and discussed that this trip, and the experience and knowledge I would learn, wasn’t for my own benefit but for the benefit of my community and family.  We concluded just how family-centered and family-focused we, Latinxs, are, and because of this community-making, we have this resiliency and strength that furthers ourselves as both individuals and community.

And so, my first night in Antigua, I found a greater appreciation for my Latinx identity and heritage, and I saw a glimpse of what Latinx pride can look like in a different country.  From that night, I carried myself with a little more confidence for the rest of the trip, and I drifted asleep with very little doubt about whether I should be here.