Area Man’s Penis Caught in Hand Dryer

JACKSONVILLE – In a scene described as both “grotesque” and “kind of funny” by witnesses, paramedics were once again forced to exhume local resident Rick Diddleson’s penis from a hand dryer. An avid fan of both the Jacksonville Jaguars and putting his penis in electrical appliances, Diddleson asked for understanding about the “freak accident” that “could really happy to anyone.” Despite it being the third time this month that Chalupa sales were interrupted by the man’s genitalia, bystanders reported a feeling of perverted sympathy for the man whose sexual organs became fused with the interior of a Taco Bell EZ-Dry 2000. “I used to use that dryer all the time,” said Doritos Locos enthusiast and onlooker Zane Pearl. “Now it just feels weird, because, you know, he put his dick in it.” As of press time, Taco Bell manager Jorge Diego reported an influx in quarterly sales, noting that it was probably the most positive experience a Taco Bell customer has ever had in its restrooms.

This entry was posted in November 2012 issue. Bookmark the permalink.