Study: Mitch Totally Still Free for Friday Night

According to a study conducted by the Center for Those Without Definite Plans Yet, Mitch is assuredly still available this Friday night. The study was taken from a population sample of one and has been ongoing for several months. Remarkably, it seems that all results have been consistent and conclusive, with little change in Mitch’s commitment level from week to week. “It’s almost, uncomfortably odd. Over the course of this study there has been little to no variation in the status of his Friday night plans, and at this point we’re confident that Mitch will be free every Friday night for next 5-6 years.” said lead analyst James DeMarco. “I don’t think he has friends ,” added DeMarco. In recent weeks, the subject has reportedly grown insolent with the researchers, filling in his questionnaire with responses like, “It’s too early to tell,” posted at 9:18 PM Friday, “My phone just died so now I can’t read all 12 of the texts I just got,” posted at 9:32 PM, and “hop off my dick,” Posted at 9:33PM. As of press time, Mitch was live tweeting Stomp the Yard on ABC Family.

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