Monthly Archives: May 2013

A lesson in e-mail

“Dad, I just sent you an email I’m working on. Will you read it over for me? Remember the company I work for is selling its business at the Lexington location?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, the manager asked me to write an e-mail message to send to the customers to let them know about the ownership change and that they’ll be working with a new company, not us. Could you check it to make sure it’s grammatically correct and makes sense?”

“Sure.”

“I need it in an hour.”

“Okay. I’ll go open it now.”

I read the message, which was about 8 paragraphs long. The tone was friendly, and the message was clear. The grammar was fine. I started to insert a few comments suggesting a few minor things. Then I read it again. It needs work on organization, I thought. It’s 8 paragraphs, which is a lot to ask someone to read in e-mail, but it didn’t flow—wasn’t well connected. Each paragraph was about a new topic, but there were no transitions. It needed something.

I stopped inserting comments and decided to rewrite it in a question-and-answer format, like FAQs. I created about 5 questions, and then I revised and moved the text around to form answers. For example, after an introduction announcing the change in ownership, I inserted a question:

Can I still have my event at the Lexington location?

Yes, . . .

Will the policies and prices be the same?

Yes, . . .

And so on. I was feeling quite proud of myself, and I sent the rewrite. I called the next day to ask how things had gone.

“Thanks, dad. Everyone liked the Q & A format, but they decided we should call each customer instead of sending an email.”

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Rhetoric: Three more techniques

In this post I add three more techniques to the three introduced in a previous post. Here I describe anaphora, epistrophe, and chiasmus, three techniques of classical rhetoric—the effective and persuasive use of language. You’ll likely recognize these techniques, and you might be using the first two already. My understanding of them comes from Ward Farnsworth, Classical English Rhetoric (2010).

Anaphora means repeating words at the beginnings of successive phrases or clauses.

Standard: There is no doubt who committed the crimes: Mitchell hid under the stairs, assaulted Ms. Latham, and stole her purse.

Anaphora: There is no doubt who committed the crimes: Mitchell hid under the stairs, Mitchell assaulted Ms. Latham, and Mitchell stole her purse. (Repeats the subject)

Another before-and-after example:

Standard: The Debtor repaid his wife, friends, and brother-in-law—but not the Bank.

Anaphora: The Debtor repaid his wife, repaid his friends, and repaid his brother-in-law—but he did not repay the Bank. (Repeats the verb)

Anaphora creates emphasis through what Farnsworth calls a “hammering effect.” Farnsworth at 16. The repeated words are likely to be noticed and remembered. Id. The repetition also creates expectations—the reader expects the pattern to be continued, so disrupting the pattern becomes an opportunity for emphasis. Id. For example, in the sentence about the Debtor, repeating the verb repaid sets up the expectation that it will continue, but then the verb changes to did not repay, emphasizing the contrast.

Epistrophe means repeating words at the end of successive phrases or clauses.

Standard: The defendant followed, stalked, and harassed Mr. Taylor.

Epistrophe: The defendant followed Mr. Taylor, stalked Mr. Taylor, and harassed Mr. Taylor. (Repeats the object)

Another before-and-after example:

Standard: Mitchell illegally purchased, modified, and sold the rifle.

Epistrophe: Mitchell’s purchasing the rifle was illegal, his modifying the rifle was illegal, and his selling the rifle was illegal. (Repeats the predicate)

Epistrophe also uses the hammering effect, but Farnsworth suggests it’s a bit more subtle because “the repetition does not become evident until each time a sentence or clause ends.” Id. at 32. Added to the hammering effect is the placement of the repeated words at the end—a natural place of emphasis: “The end is emphatic because it makes the last impression.” David Lambuth, The Golden Book on Writing 26 (1983). Thus, epistrophe adds hammering repetition to the emphasis that naturally falls on a concluding word or phrase.

Chiasmus means repeating words or phrases in reverse order. It’s also described as inverted parallelism or an ABBA pattern. A famous example: “Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.” See Farnsworth at 97. The key words are country and you, repeated in this order: country-you-you-country.

Standard: It was the defendant who stalked Mr. Taylor, not the other way around.

Chiasmus: It was the defendant who stalked Mr. Taylor, not Mr. Taylor who stalked the defendant.

Another before-and-after example:

Standard: Although the Bank has negotiated in good faith with the Borrower, the Borrower has not reciprocated.

Chiasmus: Although the Bank has negotiated in good faith with the Borrower, the Borrower has not negotiated in good faith with the Bank.

Chiasmus, according to Farnsworth, “calls attention to itself.” Id. at 98. I agree. It’s a technique that might, in formal legal writing, come off as oratorical, pretentious, literary. And literary style isn’t always right for legal writing because legal writing isn’t always like literature. Legal writers should use chiasmus with caution: “You should write at most one or two in a document . . . .” Ethel G. Romm, A Chiasmus and Contrast Can Help You Win, 70 A.B.A.J. 158, 158 (1984).

Yet a simple chiasmus can be quite memorable:

State boundaries cannot extend beyond the national boundary. . . . That would mean Texas was not annexed to the U.S., but that the U.S. was annexed to Texas. Id.

 

Caution is appropriate for all rhetorical techniques, but I recommend adding these three to your persuasive-writing toolkit.

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