A word that doesn’t persuade: blatant

Writing a persuasive document? May I suggest a word to avoid? Avoid the adjective blatant and its adverb form, blatantly. Labeling something as blatant (“offensively conspicuous”) or describing someone as acting blatantly does not persuade. Better to describe the behavior and, if it’s genuinely blatant, its . . . blatancy . . . will be obvious.

Some real examples:

Overstating:

The Appellees’ true motive for proffering this evidence was to inflame the jury with this blatantly irrelevant evidence.

  • And yet the trial judge admitted the evidence. Not that trial judges never err, but given that the evidence was admitted, is its irrelevance really “offensively conspicuous”?

Stretching the meaning:

A gate that forces one to exit the car to open and close it is, however, clearly and blatantly an obstruction that interrupts free access.

  • Okay, that might clearly be an obstruction (I’ll discuss clearly later), but is it blatantly an obstruction? This use stretches the meaning of blatantly and makes it an all-purpose intensifier (like very), ignoring the “offensive” component of the meaning.

Failing to persuade:

This is a blatant misrepresentation of the evidence in the record. Although portions of Zavala’s safety incident were partially re-enacted, the record reveals multiple differences between the re-enactment and Zavala’s accident, including substantial differences in job status, setting, physical acts performed, and the purpose for performing the acts.

  • Try this instead:

“The record shows four key differences between the re-enacted safety incident and Zavala’s accident. Although the re-enactment showed job status A, Zavala’s job status was B. The re-enactment showed setting C, but Zavala’s accident occurred in setting D. The re-enactment showed physical acts W, whereas the accident involved physical acts X. Moreover, the purpose of the acts was Y, yet the accident involved purpose Z.”

  • Or this:

B

Want to begin with “but”? No comma needed.

If you want to begin a sentence with but, you need no comma after it. If you think beginning a sentence with but is too informal for legal writing, that’s fine. I say you’re missing out on a vigorous, forceful transition word. But my point here is that if you’re going to use but to begin a sentence, you need no comma.

Not these:

  • But, such a ban would violate the students’ fundamental rights.
  • But, the presence of alcohol would raise the same concerns.
  • But, an action for contribution against a responsible party can arise in other ways.

But these:

 

  • But such a ban would violate the students’ fundamental rights.
  • But the presence of alcohol would raise the same concerns.
  • But an action for contribution against a responsible party can arise in other ways.

The only exception arises when a comma is needed for some other reason, as when you need a pair of commas for a parenthetical insertion:

  • But, the plaintiff later realized, the money never went to her sister.

 

Texas Law number 1 in salary-to-debt ratio

I think the University of Texas School of Law is awesome, and here’s some data that backs me up. The ABA Journal reports that US News has issued a new ranking that says Texas Law graduates have the best salary-to-debt ratio in the country. Here’s the story:

http://www.abajournal.com/news/article/these_law_schools_are_tops_for_median_private_sector_pay_exceeding_student/?utm_source=maestro&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=weekly_email

Excellent!

Oops. Mistakes the spellchecker won’t catch.

We all know better than to rely only on a spellchecker, but in case you need more motivation, here are some humorous word mistakes from real documents prepared by real lawyers. (I’ve removed identifying details.)

The staff from Surgical Services, Medical Services, and Pharmacy, as well as all the patients and visitors, observed the bazaar behavior.

  • The word should be bizarre.

This action is nothing more than another viscous attack by Plaintiff against its adversaries’ attorneys.

  • Viscous means thick and sticky in consistency. The writer should use vicious (or maybe should attack the merits instead of describing the plaintiff’s motives).

For all intensive purposes, the Defendant did nothing more than recite the Rules of Evidence at length.

  • The proper phrase here is intents and purposes.

When Chief Kearl was appraised of the situation, he ordered the evacuation, and notice was posted at the property.

  • The right word here is apprised.

Scholars may criticize the Court for failing to apply strict scrutiny in some cases, such as those suggesting unconscious racism, but they do not hone in on the cost of deploying it.

  • The long-standing and preferred phrase here is home in on.*

*The original phrase (home in) comes from the following meaning of home: “to return home” (like a homing pigeon) or to “be guided toward a destination or target.”1 It’s easy to see why hone, meaning “to sharpen”2 seems to make sense, but two prominent word-usage experts insist the phrase should be home in:

Steven Pinker, The Sense of Style: The Thinking Person’s Guide to Writing in the 21st Century 274 (2014).

Bryan A. Garner, Garner’s Dictionary of Legal Usage 412 (3d ed. 2011).

_____

1. The Oxford Dictionary and Thesaurus: American Edition 701 (1996).

2. Id. at 703.

Tips for Concision 10: Use “pro-verbs.” Or elide verbs.

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Here are two related concision techniques most of us are already using, even if we didn’t know what the techniques were called.

“Pro-verb” is a term coined by the linguist Otto Jesperson to describe verbs that are used in place of other verbs just as pronouns are used in place of other nouns. In English, the most common pro-verbs are do and its forms (did, done, doing) and do so and its forms (did so, done so, doing so). In the next examples, the pro-verb did replaces operated:

1a. The Claimant operated the same machinery that other employees operated.
1b. The Claimant operated the same machinery that other employees did.

Example 1b doesn’t save words (though it’s three syllables shorter), but in the next examples, we save words because do so replaces order a new trial.

2a. The court has the authority to order a new trial, but it should not order a new trial.
2b. The court has the authority to order a new trial, but it should not do so.

Using the pro-verb cuts the sentence from 18 words to 16 and avoids repetition.

Legal writers can also elide verbs—omit them—where they’re understood. Thus, we can shorten example 2b even further by removing words from the second verb phrase: should not do so becomes should not:

2c. The court has the authority to order a new trial, but it should not.

Now we’ve cut the sentence from 18 words to 14. Concision.