Most people believe how you look and feel about yourself is closely linked. However, the connections are a little more complicated than simple analysis might suggest. While there is certainly a relationship between the two, how it plays out depends on your circumstances and context.
What Is Self-Esteem?
Self-esteem is the value you attach to yourself. It’s the feeling you get when you consider who you are.
People with high self-esteem generally have good sentiments about themselves, while those with low self-esteem don’t feel as good.
Many people with high self-esteem also have confidence. They trust in their ability to progress at work, on the dating scene, and spiritually.l
Self-esteem also has a social component: the voices of other people in our heads. How we internalize the opinions of others can affect how we feel about ourselves.
How Does Physical Appearance Relate To Self-Esteem?
Many people find through their own experience that physical appearance and self-esteem relate to each other closely. Having a “bad hair day” can be the difference between feeling good about yourself and not.
For people with more extreme physical abnormalities, the effects can be more pronounced. Some individuals may not want to leave the house because they are worried about other people staring at them. They may also fear unkind remarks and comments, people laughing at them, or, in extreme circumstances, people denying them access to services.
But how you feel about yourself doesn’t come entirely from the world outside. It also comes from within.
Many people who look good to other people don’t feel attractive themselves. They may fixate on a particular issue or a single person’s negative reaction to how they appear and believe it applies across the board. For many, this then engenders feelings of upset, anger, distress, worry, or depression.
How Can People Improve Their Appearance-Related Self-Esteem?
Fortunately, there are many ways people can improve their appearance-related self-esteem. The idea isn’t to control the world. Instead, it is to gain mastery over the mind. Ultimately all a person’s experiences relate back to how they interpret incoming signals from the external world.
Here are some ways to improve your self-esteem if you are in a negative place right now because of your looks.
Stop Comparing Yourself To Others
You can never be the same as another person, so comparing yourself to them is setting yourself up for trouble. If you love the way another person looks, you can’t emulate them because, biologically, you’re different.
The trick here is to stop comparing at all. Don’t worry about their achievements, appearance, or skills. Instead, love the person you are. Accept that everything in life is perfect the way it is because that’s what nature intended.
The more you can avoid comparing, the more you can appreciate your qualities and achievements. You might not look the same as someone you admire, but that doesn’t mean you can’t look good at all.
You can also reject our image-based society. The western world obsesses over how people look, but to what avail? A person’s physical appearance doesn’t affect their happiness or peace.
See Your Good Points
Another way to improve your self-esteem is to focus on your good points. Instead of looking in the mirror and fixating on the one blemish on your face, focus on all your clear skin.
Failing to see your good points can leave you obsessing over the negatives. Eventually, you get to the point where you feel like you are a failed person because you don’t know what value you bring to the world.
Seeing your good points requires being honest with yourself. Getting used to the idea that you are an attractive person takes time, but it is something you can do with the right kind of reinforcement.
Set Yourself A Challenge And Take Control
You can also improve your appearance-related self-esteem by taking control of your life. Simple lifestyle changes are often the only difference between where you are now and the look you want.
Six months of eating well and exercising is enough to get most people back into shape. Getting a lip filler, hair transplant, or peel can complete your transformation, adding to the results.
Once you take control, you can decide to feel better about yourself. People who lose weight, kick bad habits and improve their physiques almost always see an improvement in self-esteem.
Believe Other People Will Accept You
Another strategy is to believe that other people accept you. This technique is powerful because it socially validates the way you look.
Consider your relationships and think carefully about what you like most about other people. Ask yourself whether their physical appearance matters to you.
Usually, it doesn’t. Therefore, you can use this same logic in reverse. If you don’t care about the appearance of the people you know, they probably don’t care about how you look either.
Catch Yourself Thinking Negatively
You can also try self-monitoring, catching yourself when you start thinking negatively about your appearance. Stopping these thoughts in their tracks and simply observing them can reveal how unhelpful they are. You can then replace them with more positive self-talk.
Of course, you don’t want to delude yourself into believing you have value you don’t. That’s not healthy either. However, you do want to reduce the amount of chatter in your mind that affects your emotions. You don’t have to attack yourself.
Does Changing Appearance Change Your Personality?
Most people believe that physical appearance and personality are separate. However, research reveals there is a close relationship. Characteristics such as height, weight, attractiveness, and body shape can influence how we act, think, and pursue goals in life.
Becoming preoccupied with appearance, though, is dangerous. It can affect emotional well-being negatively and make you more dissatisfied with life. It turns your attention inwards instead of letting you focus more outwardly on the world.
Ultimately, physical appearance and self-esteem relate closely to each other. However, everyone can choose how they react to their looks, for better or worse.